Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Choices

I'm going to India for five months- come visit me.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Walk and Talk

I just woke up from the most unpleasant dream. I was in middle school again, and it was lunch time. A bunch of friends, including SD, and I were trying to eat lunch in a different room other than the cafeteria. The lunch ladies got pissed at us and told us that we couldn't eat lunch anymore because we were trying to put "lunch trash" other places.

At one point I got in an argument with one of the lunch ladies and said. "stop yelling at me, I'm not yelling at you, calm down!" She didn't like that to much, but luckily another lunch lady piped in and told me to go back into the cafeteria and sit until we were able to go outside. I can only assume she was referring to "walk and talk" (our middle school's version or recess- basically recess without the fun- "NO RUNNING!"). When I went back into the cafeteria I sat down next to SD and pulled out some food that I had been hiding- green beans (I'm not sure my middle school self would approve of this lunch). As I was eating them I tried to hide them from the passing lunch ladies. No luck... one saw...thankfully SD was right next to me, and I put them in front of him and pretended I wasn't chewing. (I think I did that a lot in middle school- put stuff off on other people, i.e. SD, so they got in trouble instead of me)

Shortly after the green bean incident I woke up thinking: "man, middle school sucked!" Now I'm about to jump in the shower and go to my social work placement at a middle school. Poor kids...

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Double the Fines

Today after watching Cloverfield, I was thinking about many things- but one such topic on my mind came into play this evening as I drove home from work. I was thinking about how it's so emotional to see human beings band together against a foe in order to survive. It's beautiful and exciting to see one person stand up and then another- and then one more, and eventually you.

On my midnight commute home, there was construction and all but one lane was closed. It was terrible- we literally sat for 20 minutes for no apparent reason. Then out of nowhere on my right side I saw a SUV pass in the lanes that were closed. I thought- "hey, he's got it right, let's bypass this sh*thole!" I hoped that more cars would do the same so I could sum up the courage to drive "illegally." For the next few moments I sat waiting to see if more headlights would appear in my mirror. Then to my delight, there was a second pair of lights; a truck! Then a third, fourth and fifth. By this time I was screaming: "Yeah baby- lets screw these f*ckers!" And at that moment I had the courage to pull off into the closed lanes and drive free! I got off at the next exit and took the scenic route home- I felt so empowered...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Sliding Doors

Has anyone seen that movie? I must have seen it when I was in middle school. I remember watching it on a plane ride home from my family vacation in Europe. It's a British film where a woman makes a decision. She decides to step out and just barely make the sliding door of the London Underground. It is then that her life splits. One life where she made the train and another life where she did not.

Through the whole movie her two different life realities become more and more different. From one simple choice: to step forward or wait for the next train.

Is life this way; that a simple choice can change so much? If a simple choice can change a life significantly... what a about a big choice? Like going on a Study Abroad program. Sometimes thinking about the implications of choices leaves me feeling paralyzed.

Some would say that we are bound by fate or God's will. If that's true, can I make a decision that goes against what is "suppose" to happen in my life?

Where are the directions for this thing? I need some, and I'm not talking crappy Ikea picture directions. I need some multi language explicit directions.

Oh, and does it matter that at the end of the movie her two different realities end up at the exact same place...cause I'm thinking: will mine?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Peace

The sound of the rain (snow) water coming off the roof and gutter is so nice. I think I could listen to it forever.

Monday, January 14, 2008

A right delayed is a right denied. - MLK Jr.

Last night we watched Tying the Knot, a documentary about Same Sex Marriage. The majority of the documentary focused on the issue as it relates to America. Two of the stories it focused on were surviving same sex spouses. It was so sad to see the law related and economic difficulties that these two people experienced after losing the person they love. Is this what I or my future husband have to look forward to?

Because I may never be able to be married lawfully to my spouse will I have to worry about if either of us are ever harmed? I mean what if my spouse is in a field that doesn't recognize same sex marriages or even goes to the point of not allowing them to be "out" at work. Will my relationship ever be legitimized in that part of his life? If something should happen to him, will I be notified? It's just a lot to process.

Man, it just sucks. It's not fair. I don't understand how anyone could be opposed to same-sex marriage. It's so oppressive. I feel like I should have a better attitude about this- but I don't. I'm just sad. How can liberty and life be offered to everyone in our country yet because I'm gay I am not allowed to be in a relationship that is recognized by the nation. And people really use the bible as evidence against it. Read anything Jesus said and actually try to show me how he would be against same sex marriage. It's ridiculous. :( I kind of wish I didn't watch that documentary last night...